#58 — Try contact lenses again

Dear Weblog Superfans,

Here’s a story.

When I was seven, I was hopelessly gifted with normal eyesight. If my teacher were writing something on the blackboard, I saw it all the way from the back of the classroom. If I were reading a book, the words jumped sprightly off the page with the most mundane clarity. If I had to see something else or whatever, it happened. Etc.

But then I turned seven and a half. Suddenly, things were not quite so clear. My mother took me to the eye doctor. “You need glasses,” he told me. And so my life went to pot, although I didn’t quite see it that way at the time (as it were).

I liked having glasses. My entire family had glasses, except for my sister, but she was younger and adopted, so there was no guarantee. I fit in, sort of. So I got the biggest plastic piece of faux-tortoise-shell crap ever made into eyeglass frames and stuck them on my nose with the greatest pride ever associated with youth-onset low myopia.

But then I figured it out: glasses suck. They get in the way of everything. When my eye itched, I poked my lens accidentally and had to clean the stupid thing–and in the meantime, my eye still itched. I was a catcher on my baseball team, and when I flipped the mask off on a close play or whatever, my glasses sometimes went with it (although sometimes they didn’t and got shoved into my eyes instead, which hurt some). Plus, the ladies weren’t digging them. And so, in sixth grade, I got contacts, and my world was made ever so much better (although the ladies still didn’t dig me–well, the good ones didn’t, anyway, not for a while).

I wore contacts pretty much every day for about five years. And then I stopped, senior year of high school, for pretty much no reason. I was a lazy jackass; that was probably part of it. And I didn’t wear them again for a long time. But when I tried them again, they were seriously uncomfortable because they dried my eyes out so much. And I haven’t been able to wear them for long periods of time (like, more than an hour or two) without getting seriously itchy.

But I wanted to try them again to see how they worked, and I am pleased to inform you, Weblog Superfans, than I have accomplished this goal–I have contacts again! I’ve only had them for a couple of days, but they’re supposed to be the most comfortable kind out there (you might have seen the commercials), and I was given an antihistamine eyedrop to take care of some of the dryness (apparently it’s at least somewhat allergy related, but that’s a whole other 101 List Item). So I’ll let you know how it goes.

Other things: I got more teeth-whitening strips, these ones the super-concentrated kind so I’ll only have to wear them for a few days before seeing the brilliant results that the box ever so convincingly promises (#83). Also, I tried to teach my near-niece the word “ahoy,” but it didn’t take (#57). Layta!



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